


Losing My Religion

by ScarletPassion



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Delicia lost her shit, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mags - Freeform, Multi, Nukaworld, Other, Poor MacCready, Smut, William - Freeform, delicia really loves her people, dixie - Freeform, gage doesn't know what to think of his boss, nisha - Freeform, not shits given, porter gage and female sole survivor, possible gage romance, so sentimental, they have sex, time to make up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletPassion/pseuds/ScarletPassion
Summary: Delicia is lost and depressed after destroying the Institute and coming to the realization that she will never retrieve the child she lost. Now she's on a mission to forget all about the Commonwealth and everything that came before and after it.





	1. Chapter 1

Delicia sits on the roof of one of the houses in Sunshine Tidings Co-op. She scans through each of the radio stations on her pipboy, tired of the usual classic music and the pre-war music on Diamond City Radio. The once welcoming music just seems outright annoying these days, but that seems to be the case with everything she once found comforting or endearing-like MacCready’s cussing and fussing over stupid things or Preston’s determined speeches about making the Commonwealth a better place.  
Maybe it’s because she doesn’t believe that it can be a better place- at least not anymore. Not after the Commonwealth took her daughter away from her. Not after the Institute taunted her with what could have been. After all of that, Delicia decided that there are no good or bad guys. Everyone is bad in their own way- even MacCready, even Preston, even her. Everyone and everything is bad in one way or another, so why pretend to be good and fight for something that will never happen?  
She sighs, about to just give up on the radio completely until she hears a vaguely familiar tune. She raises an eyebrow as it grows louder and louder, twisting the knob until the tune is clear as day. The NukaWorld theme song. She frowns a little, wondering why she’s only just now getting the broadcast. Something must be going on.  
She chews on her lip, looking in the general direction of Sanctuary. She told Preston she’d be back soon to help him with another settlement, but… The truth is she’s tired of helping settlements. She tired of the Commonwealth in general, especially Sanctuary Hills. She needs a change of scenery, and maybe NukaWorld will be it.  
Delicia climbs down from the roof, checking her bag for ammo, grenades, and more. She decides that she has enough on her to last until she can get her hands on more. So, she makes her way through the fields, finding the NukaWorld station on her pipboy and following the map right to it.  
-  
MacCready watches Delicia climb from the roof of a house and begin marching determinedly in one particular direction, her eyes occasionally glancing down at the pipboy on her arm. He wants to call out to her and ask her where she’s going, but things have been so weird between them lately so he’s afraid she won’t tell the truth.  
So, MacCready follows his closest companion, careful to stay far back and low down so that she won’t hear him or catch sight of him. He hates sneaking around behind her back, but he wants to keep an eye on her. Ever since they brought down the Institute something about her has been different. She’s never in the mood to gamble or make bets, she doesn’t smile, and the look in her eye is always so distant. It’s like the part of her that knew how to smile and laugh died when she found out the truth about her daughter.  
They approach a wall and a decrepit pre-war building. MacCready listens to the voices on the other side of the wall as Delicia, still not aware of his presence, continues on her path. The voices cut off suddenly, however. Gunshots take their places, getting MacCready to kick his ass into gear.  
He climbs up the rubble of the decrepit building, going to the edge of its roof. He sees Delicia crouching behind a wall, reloading her rifle and then stepping around the corner, firing off shots as bullets zoom right past her. She hardly flinches when one grazes her cheek.  
MacCready curses under his breath and readies his own weapon, taking out two of the gunners shooting at her. He uses his scope to scan the area, seeing nothing at Delicia disappears around the corner. He rushes to that end of the building, hearing the telltale sounds of an assaultron.  
“God damn it, Delicia!” He growls, setting up to take the damn robot out. Before he is able to Delicia does.  
He watches as another woman runs around the other side of another building while Delicia is searching the robot for anything useful. With a sigh he sets up for the shot, knowing he will give himself away. He fires off two rounds, taking out the woman with the second one. Delicia looks at the body then turns sharply, narrowing her eyes at MacCready as he nods to her halfheartedly.  
When she shakes her head and marches toward the building MacCready scrambles to follow her. He climbs down and sprints after her, calling to her. She doesn’t stop so he decides to just follow her inside. He grabs her arm once he’s caught up, yanking her to a stop.  
“What in the fucking world are you doing? Trying to get yourself killed?!” He doesn’t mean to shout, but he can’t help it. He’s angry. He can’t believe she’s taking off without telling him a thing.  
“I’m going to NukaWorld.” She says, sounding bored as she stares him down.  
“For what? What’s even there?” MacCready asks.  
Delicia is about to respond when someone says “help” in an almost feeble voice. Delicia makes a face at MacCready and rips her arm away, following the sound of the voice. They find a man covered in blood, holding his stomach and wincing as if in great pain.  
“You need a stimpack.” Delicia states, reaching for her bag.  
“No! Please… Save it, save it and go rescue my daughter and wife from those raiders in NukaWorld…” The man gasps.  
“I have plenty of stimpacks.” Delicia rolls her eyes and pulls one out.  
Just as she is about to sink it into the flesh of his thigh he smacks her hand away, jumping to his feet. Delicia glares at her hand, shoving the stimpack back into her bag before looking to the man who seems to have miraculously healed in seconds.  
“I would insist by saying there’s no point in saving your wife and daughter if you are dead, but you seem to be just fine.” Delicia’s hand goes to rest on the hilt of her pistol at her waist.  
“I can’t do this anymore. Those raiders paid me to do this. You can go find them if you want, but you’ll probably just end up dead like the rest of them.” The man says, pulling a slip of paper from his pocket and dropping it on the ground between them.  
“So you just lead people to their deaths?” MacCready scoffs as Delicia grabs the slip of paper, “Get the fuck out of here you sick bastard.”  
The man nods at MacCready nervously. Delicia huffs at her companion and whips out her pistol, firing off a single shot at the man. The only sound to be heard is the thud of the man’s now lifeless body. With a sigh, Delicia holsters the pistol once more and brushes past MacCready.  
“What the Hell was that, Delicia?” MacCready follows her, careful not to grab her arm or anything this time.  
“If he was willing to trick us, and possibly even others before us, then I’m sure he’d do it again. No point in letting him go free just to get more people killed.” She replies, giving MacCready a look before going to work at the terminal.  
“Yeah, Del, you’re right, but that’s not you. You never just shoot people because of something they might do.” MacCready persists, following her to the platform.  
Delicia rolls her eyes and turns to face him once she’s on the train. She braces both hands on the doorframe, looking down at MacCready boredly. His nostrils flare and he presses his lips into a thin, tight line. She can tell that she’s pissing him off, but she doesn’t care much.  
“If you’re going to walk into a death trap then I’m coming with you.” He states determinedly.  
“No, you’re going to go back to Goodneighbor or Sanctuary Hills, or someplace else that isn’t NukaWorld.” Delicia speaks slowly and calmly, trying not to lose her temper.  
“Just move, Delicia.” MacCready says, taking a step forward.  
“Look, I’m not in the best of fucking moods and I’m really considering knocking you on your as right now, Mac. Just let me go. I’m tired of this place and I need to get away before I lose my God damn mind.” Delicia balls her hands into fists, staring down her old friend.  
“Just come back to Sanctuary. We can talk to Preston and figure this out.” He insists, wishing, for the first time, that Preston were around.  
“I don’t give a shit about what you or Preston or anyone else in this God forsaken waste of a world has to say about anything. I’m going see what these dickhead raiders are about. By myself. If you try to get on board, I will knock you out and leave you here. If you decide to follow me later, I won’t be as nice, alright?” Delicia snaps.  
MacCready’s mouth falls open. Delicia knows that any other day she would feel terrible, but not right now. Right now she’s just pissed that he’s delaying her get away. She watches him recover rather quickly however, that wall that she worked so hard to tear down being built right back up in front of her face.  
“If that’s how things are then you probably shouldn’t return to the Commonwealth unless you’ve got a death wish. Guess you’re one of them now.” His look of disgust only solidifies her plans further. With her best friend pissed at her and thinking she’s a raider she really has no reason to be here anymore.  
Delicia nods and goes to the control panel, shutting the doors and starting her journey to NukaWorld. She watches MacCready become smaller and smaller until he’s the faintest little speck. Then, the train takes a turn and he’s gone from her sight altogether.  
“Well, wasn’t that a bit dramatic. Did’ya really have to shoot poor Harvey? He was just trying to make a living.” The heavy accent on the radio grabs Delicia’s attention.  
“Who are you?” She asks.  
“And threatening to kill your friend? Classic. You’re quite the asshole.” The man on the radio chuckles and then is gone.  
Delicia narrows her eyes, but lets it go. She holds onto the rail and watches the wasteland pass before her eyes. When NukaWorld comes into view she leans closer to the window, taking in the dilapidated themepark. She vaguely remembers what it looked like before the war, so bright and full of delight. But now it just looks sad.  
The announcer comes on the radio, telling her to turn her attention to Fizztop Mountain. After that comes a bit of static and then the heavily accented man is back.  
“Listen up, I don’t have long. Name’s Porter Gage, and I’ve got a deal for you. Make it through the deathtrap you’re walking into, and you’ll be richer than any man around. Now, have fun and put on a good show. I’ll be watching.” As his voice fades out the train pulls up to the station at NukeWorld.  
Delicia chews on her lip, thinking about his offer. She could care less about the money, but she’s interested in this death trap. Maybe it’ll be the end, and maybe she’ll be the odds. Either way, she doesn’t care. If this doesn’t kill her something else surely will.  
Delicia steps off of the train and looks at the station around her. She begins making her way towards the bodies next to the door with arrows pointing to it,  
“Welcome to the Gauntlet!” A voice over the intercom shouts.  
She looks at the bodies next to the door. Normally her stomach would churn at the sight of something so gruesome, but not today. Not anymore. Nothing bothers her these days. She turns back to the door now, looking at the dimly lit corridor with mild interest. She wants to remember what being nervous feels like, but she just can’t seem to. So, rather than dwelling on that, she makes her way down the corridor.  
“And she’s off!”


	2. Not Good With Feelings and Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gage wants to figure the new Overboss out, but he's got to tread carefully so he doesn't piss her off.

Delicia lays on the roof of Doc Phosphate’s Saloon. Gage sits a few feet away from her, watching her as she watches the stars with an expression of boredom. This is how their relationship has been since they met. She silently takes everything in and he watches her, trying to figure her out. So far, he’s had no luck. The Boss is mostly cold and secretive, showing no real emotion for him to go off of.  
“I’m sure there’s a working camera around here somewhere. Just take a picture of me and stare at it.” Delicia turns her head, cocking an eyebrow at Porter Gage.  
“Sorry, Boss.” Gage clears his throat, glancing away then back at her, “I wanted to talk to you a bit. I’m used to knowing who I’m working for and with, so it’s been a bit strange working with someone so…” He pauses, looking at her hesitantly.  
“Absent? Silent?” She offers, looking back up at the cloudy sky.   
“Right, so anyway… Well, I’m not real good with emotional shit or explainin’ myself good so I’ll just wing it, I learned at a young age that bein’ in charge puts a big ol’ target on your back, that’s why I talked Colter into this NukaWorld mess in the first place,” He pauses as Delicia looks at him once more with those indifferent silver eyes, “It’s why I asked you to step up. I’m good at runnin’ things behind the scenes, if ya hadn’t noticed.”  
“I have. I understand why you did it, figured that was why in the first place. It doesn’t bother me so you can stop looking so damn nervous. I won’t shoot you.” One side of her mouth tilts up slightly, giving Gage a mild sense of relief.   
“Right, so anyway, I just… I knew there was somethin’ about you when I watched you go through the Gauntlet. You were so damn reckless, not flinchin’ at a damn thing. That’s when I knew you’d be perfect for the job. And now here we are.” Gage finishes a bit lamely, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.  
“Is this supposed to be the part where I tell you why I agreed to your terms and why I’m just so damn absent?” Delicia sits up now, facing Gage.   
“Only if you feel like it.” He shrugs, hoping that she will tell him but still not willing to push her too much. Just because she says she won’t shoot him doesn’t actually mean that she won’t.  
“I just realized that there’s no good or bad people in the world- there never has been. Just people the act like they aren’t bad and people who accept that they’re bad. I’ve accepted it.” Delicia’s words are sort of clipped and sharp, as if she’s upset by this. She looks at Gage, her silver eyes darkening slightly, “And since you seem to be so curious as to why I’m not afraid of anything, not even your cute little Gauntlet, it’s because I know I’m going to die. One way or another, it’ll happen and there’s no point in being afraid of it.” She huffs slightly and all Gage can do is stare at this woman and wonder what was so bad that she has so easily accepted death. That she’d welcome it, even.  
“You sure are somethin’ else.” Gage mutters, shaking his head as he gets to his feet, “We should get some rest. Still gotta clean up the bottling plant in the mornin’.” He says, louder this time, as he makes his way to the edge of the group.  
“I’m gonna stay here a while longer.” Delicia replies, “I’ll meet you at Fizztop.”  
Gage nods. He wants to say something else to the Overboss, but he doesn’t want to overdo it. He figures she’ll open up eventually if he takes it slow and plays his cards just right.  
Once Gage is gone Delicia lays back against the roof once more, staring patiently at the sky. She didn’t want to admit to Gage that sleep doesn’t come often for her anymore, and when it does it isn’t for very long. She also wasn’t sure if she’d be ready for that awkward goodbye that always happens after a talk like theirs.   
She doesn’t want to give Gage the wrong idea. She’s never going to be emotionally involved with him or anyone else. She won’t let herself. There is, however, the possibility of something physical, as usual. The most action she’s gotten since before the bombs fell was a heavy makeout session with Deacon after an evening of drinking and gambling with him, Cait, and MacCready.   
Other than that she’s practically been a nun. It’s not that she doesn’t want it, it’s just that there hasn’t been anyone. Before she brought down the Institute she thought that she needed to have an emotional connection with someone to have sex, but now she doesn’t really care. Now she just wants to take what she wants and say fuck the rest.   
And she should. But with who? She can barely stand the Pack, so none of them. The Disciples aren’t much better, either. Although she’s got to admit that Nisha’s figure caught her attention right off the bat… Then, there’s the Operators. Mags and William are both good looking, as are most of the Operators, but if she gets with any of them it could stir up animosity between the gangs.  
That just leaves one person. One attractive man with an accent and eyepatch.  
Delicia gets to her feet, deciding to go find Porter Gage. The only side he’s on is his own, and he works just for her- not any of the other gangs.   
It’ll be damn near perfect.


	3. She Loves Him, She Loves Him Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gage thinks he's in love with Delicia, but he's not sure if she feels the same.

Gage runs his hands along Delicia’s body, making her smile sleepily at him. It doesn’t meet her eyes though. It never does, and it bothers him, but when she reaches out and runs her fingers along his face and neck, he forgets all about it. It’s just her touch once more.  
He wants to speak- to tell her how beautiful she is. How glad he is to have her around, as a lover and as the Overboss. But he can’t think about anything other than the feel of her hand caressing his face so gently. It amazes him that someone who can fight so well can also be gentle and sensual. It’s actually pretty impressive. She’s unlike any other person he’s ever slept with- male or female.  
He remembers his fling with Dixie. She was too wild, too rough and fast all the time. She never savored anything besides maiming or killing.  
And then there was William, way too damn submissive and worried about his sister finding out about them.  
Delicia, though… She was the perfect mix of rough and sensual, fast and slow, dominant and submissive. She could hold him down and have her way or let him take the reigns. With her, he could take his time and really enjoy it.  
And he loved it.  
Gage pulls Delicia closer, nestling his face in her neck, kissing it gently. She sighs softly, closing her eyes and tilting her head back to give him more access. He begins moving down, cradling her head with one hand and holding the small of her back with the other. His lips finally reach their destination; her breasts.   
He kisses the space between them, looking up at her before taking one of her nipples into his mouth. She makes a soft noise, encouraging Gage to keep doing what he’s doing. He takes his hand away from her hair and cups the breast opposite of the one in his mouth, squeezing it ever so gently.  
Delicia arcs her back in response to his touch, making him chuckle as he dips his head lower. He kisses along her stomach until he finds her sweet center.   
Gage tastes her tentatively, his eyes cast upward to watch her reaction. A deep, lustful hunger overtakes him as he watches Delicia bit down on her lower lip, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. He growls softly, wrapping his arms around her legs and pulling her even closer to him.  
He runs his tongue lightly over her bud before sucking on it gently. He soft whimper escapes the boss’ lips, letting him know that he must be doing something right. So, he doesn’t stop. He switches back and forth between licking and sucking until the boss is writhing and bucking beneath him, her sweet sounds of pleasure arousing him. He worships her body with his hands, running them over her perky mounds, across the smooth planes of her stomach, and down her thighs. Everything about her turns him on, makes him want more. But the one thing that really gets him going is her orgasm.  
It takes her a while, but it’s always so worth it when she does. The sensual way she moves and moans when an orgasm takes her drives him absolutely insane. So, when the boss finally orgasms he sits up, grabbing her arms and pull her onto his lap eagerly. Her dark skin glistens with sweat, her full, pouted lips parted slightly as she breathes rapidly. Gage grins at her, grabbing her waist and positioning her entrance right over the tip of his manhood.   
Gage lets the boss lower herself down onto him, her tight, wet core sheathing him completely. He groans loudly as she is immediately in motion once more, sliding up and down his shaft at such an agonizingly slow pace. He drags his blunt nails down her back, causing her to shiver with desire.  
“God, boss, I... “ Gage trails off as she suddenly presses her lips to his, picking up the pace now.  
Gage grabs Delicia’s hips, thrusting upward hard, their hips moving in tandem now. The both moan at the same time as she grinds down roughly on him, his hands at her hips guiding and pacing her.   
When Gage finally comes he cries out, burying his face in Delicia’s neck. The moans escaping her lips drive him to thrust up into her one last time before falling back onto the bed heavily. He watches the boss climb off of him, going to the other side of the room.   
“Hey, come see.” Gage calls as the boss pulls on some jeans and shirt.  
She looks over, raising an eyebrow before heading over to him. She gives him a hungry, and yet somehow bored, once over from where she stops at the end of the bed. Gage reaches out, grabbing her and and pulling her down next to him. She sits willingly, letting him put his arm around her.  
“Got a sec to talk, boss?” He asks, studying her face.  
“Sure, make it quick though. I wanna start scoping out the Bottling Plant.” She says, looking impatient.  
“Right,” He sighs, looking down at their hands, “I just.. I wanna say that I really enjoyin’ bein’ with you, boss. You’re pretty damn amazing… And I- shit. I’m not real good with this stuff, like I told ya before, but I just wanna let you know that I’m glad you’re around.” He can feel his face turning red with embarrassment at his confession. He wants to look up at her, see her reaction, but he doesn’t because he’s afraid he won’t like it.  
“Me too.” Delicia finally says after what felt like an eternity of silence for Gage.  
She then gets to her feet, removing her hand from his and leaving the room. He watches her go, unsure of whether he should be hurt or just angry.


	4. You're a Bitch, Not Heartless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delicia has some sort of epiphany.

Delicia pops an apple into her mouth, watching Gage sort through the mountain of shit they found here at the bottling plant. She’d offered to help, but Gage told her that he would handle it. Ever since they had sex yesterday he’s been pretty pissy, snapping at Delicia for the most insignificant things and not letting her help with anything. She’s almost got half a mind to remind him that she’s the Overboss, but she likes what they have going right now and doesn’t want to mess it up.  
She sighs a little, looking away from her lover as soon as he turns and looks at her. She doesn’t want to ask him what’s wrong- not because she doesn’t want to know, but because she honestly doesn’t care. And she doesn’t want to piss him off by telling him that. She’s in it for the sex, not the emotions, so if he brings those up too many times she may just have to move on.  
“What’s your problem?” Gage snaps, walking over to Delicia.  
“Here we go..” She mutters, resisting the urge to roll her eyes when she looks at him, “I think you’re the one with a problem, Gage.”   
“Me?” He scoffs, shoving a pistol into his bag with more force than was necessary, “You’re so damn dense, boss. I spill my heart out to you and all you can manage to say is ‘Me too’?” He fixes her with a glare, his chest heaving.  
Time for damage control…  
“Gage, you’ve known from the beginning that I’m only in it for the sex. I’ve made it abundantly clear.” Delicia replies, trying her hardest to make her voice soft and slow.  
“Oh really? Then why haven’t you come right out and said it? All you’ve done is led me on from the get go because you’re too fucking scared to tell me that you just want to fuck me and nothing else.” Gage’s face turns red as he gets to his feet, hefting his bag up onto his shoulder.  
“Where are you going?” Delicia asks, only mildly curious.  
“Fizztop. To think.” He says and begins walking.   
Delicia nods and begins sifting through the pile, making sure Gage didn’t miss anything. She can hear his footsteps stop- just for a moment- and then they resume, Gage’s loud sigh echoing across the park. She knew he would stop to see if she would follow. She also knew that he knew she wouldn’t.   
She feels bad for him. Not because he’s hurt, but because he let his emotions blind him to all reason. To every single time she made it clear with her actions that she only wanted him for one thing.   
Once she’s sure that she’s got everything of value from the pile she gets to her feet and makes her way down to solid ground. It’s sunrise, which means the market would be opening soon. Gage usually goes to the market for her, but since he’s pissed at her she will have to go on her own. At least she’ll finally be able to see what it’s like. She can go get a few good bargains for the few items of value that she has and use the caps to get something even better… Eventually.   
She walks at a leisurely pace, allowing herself to try and enjoy the scenery around her. She’ll admit that she sort of likes it here. Aside from the raiders constantly nagging her, it’s peaceful. And when the sun is rising or setting the parks almost looked beautiful.   
Mac would love this…  
The thought startles her. This is the first time she’s thought of her best friend since she came here two months ago. She realizes that she sort of misses his potty mouth and sarcastic remarks. She even misses making ridiculous bets with him.  
Realizing how much she misses Mac makes her realize that she even misses Preston and Deacon and everyone else back in the Commonwealth. She wishes- momentarily- that they were here with her. But she ruined that for herself when she threatened Mac.   
This is her life now, she thinks with a sigh. There’s no going back to her old life so she’s got no choice but to accept it and adapt further to the life she’s started to build here. She’s doesn’t mind… That much.  
Delicia enters the already busy market. Raiders, traders, and slaves alike are bustling around, negotiating prices of various items. She makes a face, her nose scrunching slightly with distaste. She never liked the idea of slaves and had asked Gage more than once about just letting them go free, but he always said that would never happen. That the other gangs would never allow it.  
She decided that she would continue to try, simply because enslaving people is barbaric and distasteful. There were plenty of raiders sitting on their asses all day that were more than capable of doing the work. It’d take years to get to that point though. She’d probably have to wait until the leaders of the gangs were gone so that she could appoint more like-minded people.   
“How may I help you, miss?” A young woman asks as Delicia approaches, obviously not knowing that she is the Overboss.  
“Just got a few items to trade for caps.” Delicia says, not bothering to introduce herself.  
“Alright, miss. Just let me take a look.” The young woman says, taking the bag from Delicia’s hand and sifting through the various items inside.  
Delicia opens her mouth to ask the young woman her name, but she’s cut off by a small explosion. The young woman and Delicia both turn and see the body of a slave lying headless at the feet of one of the Disciples. Delicia makes a slightly disgusted noise and turns back just in time to see the slave girl roll her eyes.  
“Savages.” The young woman mumbles.  
“That happen a lot around here?”  
“More often than I’d like to see.” She huffs, “It’s terrible, but it’s how things are.”  
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you all just leave?”  
“Because this,” The woman motions to her neck, “Would explode if we even tried.”  
“I see.” Delicia frowns, realizing just how bad these people’s situation is.  
“Anyway, here are your caps.” The woman holds them out to Delicia.  
“Thanks.” Delicia says absently, taking the caps as her mind works.  
Delicia leaves the market, chewing her lip. Her mind wars with itself, part of her saying it isn’t her problem and part of her saying that she should help these people. It would be one thing if they were just fair game, but these people are literally put at a disadvantage. The raiders are cowards for it, even if it is a smart move to keep themselves alive.   
You’re a bitch, Del, but not heartless.  
The voice in her head sounds like her best friend. It’s exactly something he would say to her if he was here with her. She sighs as she enters Mt. Fizz, going straight to her desk. She sits and grabs a pen and paper, staring at the blank page for a long time. She’s unsure about her plan, Hell she’s unsure about what to say. All she knows is that she needs to put an end to this if she’s ever going to be able to live with herself.  
Finally, after nearly an hour of contemplation, she begins to write.   
Preston,  
I’m not asking you to do this for me. I’m asking you to do this for nearly a hundred of people who are enslaved by raiders. They’re all kept inside of the Nukaworld market with bombs strapped to their necks. It’s taken me much to realize just how bad and wrong things are here. I will attempt to set them free on the next full moon- two weeks from today to be exact- whether the Minutemen come or not. I am sorry for all that I’ve done and I understand if you can’t forgive me, but please help these people. They need you.  
Delicia sets her pen down and gets to her feet, ready to put her plan into action.


	5. Friends (You Can Depend On) Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is the day Delicia frees herself of all the self hatred and pain.

Delicia hoists her rifle up onto her shoulder. She checks her belt, making sure she's got all the grenades and mags she can carry. Today is the day that she ends the raiders' reign of terror on NukaWorld. Today she frees their slaves and herself from their tyranny.  
As she makes her way out of her quarters she nods at the various raiders standing around. She never received word from Preston or, well, anyone really. She sticks to her plan, though. She may not be able to take them all out, but maybe she can put enough of a dent in them to make the slaves want to fight back somehow.  
"You look like you're on a mission, Boss." One of the operators says, laughing heartily with one of his buddies.  
"I'm going outside of the park for supplies. I'm just letting everyone know. Try not to kill anyone while I'm gone." She replies, winking at them for emphasis as she continues to try and play the part of the Boss.  
Once inside, Delicia tells Mags and William her fake plan and orders them to bring the rest of the gang leaders to meet her at the power plant. They agree without hesitation. She knew it was the right call to give them most of the parks when she did it.  
Now that all the gang leaders will be in one place, taking them out will be much easier. The hard part will be taking out the rest of the raiders. Delicia tells herself that at least trying to eliminate them all is enough to clear her conscience. Hopefully.  
Twenty minutes later all of the gang leaders are at the power plant, standing around while Delicia looks upon all of them. She is nervous for the first time in months and isn't sure how to handle it. For the first time in a long time her words fail her.  
"As you all know we will be attacking the Commonwealth in just two days' time." She says, rubbing her finger against the strap on her rifle.  
The leaders cheer rowdily, clapping and stomping with excitement. Delicia nods, doing her best not to look disgusted.  
"I will be venturing out of the park today to get more rations to last us the trip there. It will be a long a difficult battle. The people of the Commonwealth are... Resilient to say the least, but it is nothing we cannot handle." She pauses as they cheer again, "Now, all I ask of you all until then is that you control yourselves. Do not fight among one another, focus on-"  
Gunfire interrupts her speech. The leaders all scramble to the door, looking out on the park as explosions and gunshots fill the air. Delicia sees the telltale flag of the Minutemen.  
Preston.  
Her heart pounds as the leaders shout at one another and fight to get to the park before the others. She knows she needs to attack, but she just can't shake the giddiness and the shock away. Preston came for her, he brought the Minutemen and he's going to help.  
"Boss, what the fuck are you doing?! Come on!" Nisha barks, looking back at Delicia with a bloodthirsty sneer.  
Delicia breaks her shocked trance and raises her rifle to her shoulder. She aims it right at Nisha's head, blowing it off before she can even raise her own weapon. When Mags and William stop in their tracks, looking at Delicia in shock, she just shrugs.  
"I fucking hated that bitch." Delicia spats with a smirk.  
Mags and William laugh, but it stops short when Delicia raises her rifle once more. This time, she aims at Mags. She fires at her twice before ducking left to dodge William's shots.  
Mags cries out in pain and falls to the ground, giving Delicia the diversion she needs to take William out. In his momentary hesitation, Delicia sends a bullet through his chest. He falls back, his face frozen in shock. Mags screams in pure fury, scrambling for her brother's weapon.  
Delicia aims for Mags, but before she can pull the trigger Mason tackles her, sending them both sliding across the platform. She grunts when Mason punches her across the face and pins her arms above her head.  
"I knew you wouldn't last." He spats, "If anyone is gonna kill these fuckers it's me."  
Delicia struggles against his iron grip, bucking her hips hard in an attempt to send him flying off of her. It doesn't work.  
Mason laugh manically, producing a switchblade from his pocket with his free hand. He presses the tip against Delicia's lips and drags it down, slicing it open just down the middle.  
"I'm gonna mangle that pretty little mug of yours and then string your severed head up for those Minutmen to see." Mason licks his lips, eyes filled with sadistic excitement.  
Delicia squirms beneath him desperately. Flashbacks from before the bombs fell start coming to her. She remembers her left temple and cheek being sliced open during the war. The sting of the blade cutting into her skin, the laughter coming from the man doing it to her.  
"Get off of me!" Delicia screams, panic setting in. She thrashes and bucks and kicks, but nothing works,  
Just as Mason starts to dig the blade into the corner of her mouth, his head is blown off. There's a second gunshot and then a familiar face is standing over her. Tears fill her steel grey eyes when MacCready winks down at her, offering her his hand.  
"Bet you're glad to see me. And for more than one reason." Mac grins.  
Delicia laughs, throwing her arms around her best friend tightly. He hesitates for a moment before wrapping his arms around her. The hug doesn't last long. Both let go quickly and step back, clearing their throats.  
"We need to finish what we started." Delicia says, looking out at the chaos below.  
"Eh, don't worry about them. Preston brought the whole gang from Pipes to the synths and the ghoul. They're gonna handle everything down below. Our main focus is taking out the guy that runs this place." MacCready smirks.  
"Right, well. That would have been me." Delicia blushes, looking away from Mac in embarrassment, "You just took out two of the faction leaders though. There's just... Well, one more person we need to take care of."  
"Right. Jesus, Delicia. You're gonna be in deep shit when this is all over, you know that right?" Mac says, sighing and shaking his head.  
"I know, believe me, I do." She frowns.  
"Don't stress too much. You came to your senses and did the right thing by getting word to Preston. He probably won't be too hard on you." Mac assures her, patting her arm lightly before becoming all business once more.  
"Now, let's find our next target so we can get the fuck out of here." Mac winks.  
Delicia nods and grabs her rifle. She and Mac rush down the platform, guns raised and ready for anything. Taking out raiders and creeping between buildings with MacCready at her side feels so normal. It's comforting and she never realized how much she missed it.  
"On your left." Mac says. Delicia takes out the Disciple running at them quickly, stepping over her body and into the safety of Mount Fizz.  
"Nice digs." Mac snickers as they make their way up.  
"Fuck off." Delicia smirks, "Stay out here. I won't be long."  
"You sure about that?" Mac raises an eyebrow.  
"Yeah. This one is more... Personal." She mutters looking to the door. He's got to be in here, he wouldn't be stupid and go out there in this mess.  
"Right. Signal me if you need me." He tips his hat to her before popping a toothpick in his mouth, chewing on it absently.  
Delicia takes a deep breath, appreciating Mac's lack of questions. The last thing she wants is him knowing how involved she is with Gage.  
With one last glance at he best friend, she nudges the door open and steps inside, finding Gage on the bed.


	6. Friends (You Can Depend On) Part 2

"Was wonderin' when you'd finally turn up." Gage grumbles, looking at the woman he'd come to love.  
"Well, here I am." Delicia says, coming only a few steps closer before stopping.  
Gage is silent for a long time, cracking his knuckles and staring at the floor. Delicia knows that she should just take him out right now while his guard is down, but she just can't bring herself to do it just yet.   
"Why?" Gage finally asks, looking over at her from his place on their once shared bed.  
"Why what?" Delicia replies, even though she knows exactly what he's asking.   
"Don't fucking play dumb with me bo-" Gage stops himself with an angry huff, "Delicia."   
She stands there for a moment, just watching his angry eyes search her face. She wonders what he's searching for this time... Love? Guilt? She isn't sure if she even wants to know.  
"Because it's wrong to imprison people. It's wrong to take away someone's free will or their life for your own gain. I can't... I can't be part of this lifestyle anymore. It's not who I am. It never was." Delicia says.  
"So what? Was all of it just some fucking game to you?" Gage spats, jumping to his feet, "You just wanted to pretend to be one of us so you could take the park for yourself, didn't you? You made me.. You..." Gage growls in frustration.  
"It wasn't like that at all, Gage." Delicia tries to defend her actions, "I was lost. I lost everything, or I thought I had. I came here to escape and then... I met you and I thought that this would be the best thing for me to do. I thought leading a short life as the boss would be ideal, but it's not. I'm not numb anymore."   
"So what about us, then?" Gage snaps.  
"I.. I wasn't faking, I just.." Delicia stammers, sighing and shaking her head, "I care about you, but I don't love you. I never did. I wanted something physical and you did that for me, but other than that..." She trails off, blushing in frustration.  
"Fuck you." Gage growls, marching right up to Delicia and getting in her face.  
Delicia stands frozen as Gage grabs her face. He traces her lower lip with his thumb before kissing her hard. She pushes against him, trying to get his lips off of hers, but he doesn't budge.   
Gage grabs Delicia's hair and slides his other hand down her back slowly. He pulls back from her lips to stare at her as his hand swoops dangerously low. She gasps softly when his hand grabs her ass firmly and then slides lower.  
When his fingers brush against her core, soft at first, but then harder, she can't help but close her eyes and whimper. He growls, kissing and biting her neck.   
"I know you, Delicia. You feel something for me." He whispers against her neck, sending a shiver through her.  
"Let go of me, Gage. You're wrong." She replies, trying to focus on her mission.  
"I'm not." He insists, bringing his hand to the front of her body.   
When he starts fiddling with her belt she brings her hands up, pushing him away hard. Gage's face turns red and he brings his hand up, slapping her across the face. Delicia hisses, grabbing her cheek and glaring at her ex-lover.  
"Let me remind you why you're still alive." He steps towards her and she steps back, "It's all because of me. Me!" He shouts, "I kept you alive, I watched your back and this... This is how you fucking repay me?!"   
"Fuck you, Gage. I'm still alive because I made it through your little gauntlet. I fucking killed Colter and then, I fucking killed the rest of them. I'm here because I'm one tough bitch." She spats, launching herself at him.  
They collide and roll, punching one another bloody. Delicia fights for the 10mm strapped to her thigh, but Gage won't let her get to it. He grabs her wrists and pins them above her head. He smiles as he hovers over her, leaning down to lick her collar bone.  
"I'm going to enjoy you, and then enjoy killing you." He chuckles.  
"You're disgusting." She growls, bringing her knee up to his crotch as hard as she can manage.   
Gage grunts and rolls off of her, holding his balls with a grimace. Delicia jumps to her feet, releasing the 10mm from its holster and aiming it right at Gage.  
"So this is how it ends then, huh?" Gage looks up at her.  
"It is." Delicia whisper.  
"I should've stuck to my fucking rules." He grumbles and gets to his feet, still holding himself, "Well, do it."  
Delicia raises an eyebrow at him in confusion. She wonders why he's quit fighting. He's never been the type to just give up like this, it's... It's strange.  
"I can't fight you anymore, Delicia. I let myself get to close to you. If you're going to kill me, then just do it. But know that I still love you, even if it was a mistake." Gage sighs, holding up his hands in surrender.  
Delicia stares at him for a moment, wondering if she could change his mind and have him join the Minutemen, but... Would it even be worth the risk. He is a raider, after all. He could join and then turn around and betray them all. She'd never be able to forgive herself if that would happen.  
With a sigh, Delicia decides that it's not worth the risk.  
"I'm sorry, Gage." She says, pulling the trigger.  
Gage grunts and falls back with a thud. Delicia closes her eyes for a moment, composing herself before going out to where Mac is still waiting.  
"All done in there?" He asks, falling into step with her as she walks past him.   
"Yep."  
"Wanna talk about it?"  
"Nope."  
Mac nods, pressing his lips together. They've always had this understanding with one another. They don't push, they don't ask a million questions, they just let it be.  
The pair take it slow, just in case there are still some raiders lurking around the park. Delicia knows the last place the Minutemen would clear is the marketplace. It's got the most raiders and about thirty people with explosive collars, so it's high risk to say the least.  
Along the way Mac takes out a few lingering raiders. Outside of the marketplace they meet up with Hancock and Dogmeat. Her four legged companion runs up to her, barking happily over the gunfire and jumping on her. Delicia laughs, leaning down to pet Dogmeat lovingly.  
Once he settles down she faces Hancock. He studies her for a moment, all covered in blood and dirt from the day's events. He shakes his head and sighs, holding out his arms.  
Delicia steps into his arms, embracing him tightly. He rubs her back for a moment and then releases her, slapping her shoulder.  
"You better not do this again, kid." He scolds, "Had everyone thinking you'd gone rogue for good- or worse."  
"I know. I'm really sorry about it all. I was acting like a brat." Delicia replies.  
"Damn right you were. But as long as you've learned your lesson, we're good." He winks, "Now head on in there and give those guys a hand, would you? Dogmeat and I can keep watch."  
"Thanks, Hancock." Delicia kisses his cheek before following Mac inside.


	7. Friends (You Can Depend On) Part 3

Delicia and Mac hide behind crates across from each other. The take turns firing off while the other reloads, watching their backs like they always have. The rush and companionship makes her feel whole again. Normal.  
"I should have known when Preston told me you sent word out to him that we'd be in some deep shit!" Mac shouts with a hearty laugh, blowing off a raiders head.  
"What else would you excpect from me? At least we get another settlement out of it." Delicia replies, covering for him.  
"A settlement with lots of fun shit to do, too! I've never seen anything like it."   
"And you haven't even seen the good parts yet." Delicia grins.

When the streets of the marketplace are covered in blood, the fighting finally stops. All remaining raiders have either run off or are dead. Just as Delicia likes them. She stretches her legs, smiling up at Mac as he approaches.  
"Go find Preston. I know he's dying to have a word with you."  
"Right. Wish me luck?"   
"You're on your own with this one, Del." Mac replies, going off to loot whatever caps he can get his hands on.   
Delicia wanders through the marketplace, following the sound of Preston's voice barking out orders to the Minutemen. She tries to keep her breathing steady, but it's hard. Facing Preston after everything she's done is like getting caught sneaking out by her father. There's sure to be a long lecture and a disappointed look.  
"And I need you three to.." Preston trails off when Delicia finally comes into view. He and Nick share a look before Preston marches up to his formal General, leaving Nick to finish ordering everyone around.   
"Preston, I-" Preston holds his hand up, walking right past her. She sighs and follows him to a more private area. He finally faces her there, with that disappointed look she had been dreading since she sent word out to him.   
"What you've done is reckless, irresponsible and... Almost unforgiveable." Preston sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, "You betrayed the Minutemen, Delicia. I don't... I don't even know how to react to this. I don't know how to deal with you."  
"You don't have to deal with me. I'm not going to ask you for forgiveness because I know what I did was wrong. It was the absolute worst thing I ever could have done and I am sorry. And if you won't take me back, I understand. But I swear to you, Preston, if you or the Minutemen ever need me, I'll be there. No matter what." She says, wringing her hands out in front of her nervously.  
Preston is silent as he studies Delicia. He searches her face and finally settles on her steel grey eyes with scrutiny. She wants to look away from him, but she doesn't.   
"I think taking it slow will be what's best. Maybe just come back to the Commonwealth and lay low for a while, help out here and there, and then... Then we can take a vote and see about taking you back into the Minutemen." Preston replies.  
"Thank you for not writing me off completely, PReston." Delicia says, holding out her hand to him.  
"Seriously? A handshake?" PReston chuckles, sounding a bit more like his usual self, "Come here, Del."   
Preston holds out his arms and Delicia steps into them. The hug for a long time. Preston had always been a safe haven for her, someone to talk to about the hard stuff. He always has a solution for her and a solid shoulder to cry or lean on when you need it.   
"I need to get back now. We've got a lot of work to do to get this place up and running properly. You can stick around or head back home, but remember that I expect a full re-cap of everything leading up to this mess." Preston says, finally releasing her.  
"Roger that." Del salutes him with two fingers, "And thank you, again. For them." She nods at the slaves Sturges is currently working on freeing from their explosive collars.  
"Any time, Delicia. You know our motto." Preston smirks.   
"Protect the people at a minute's notice." Delicia recites, earning a wide grin from Preston before he walks off.  
"BLUE!" Delicia turns around just in time for Piper to tackle her.  
She hits the ground with a thud, grunting at Piper smacks at her viciously. She's crying and shouting incoherently at Delicia angrily. Delicia covers her face, letting Piper beat on the rest of her body. She knows she deserves it.  
"Hey, hey!" Mac says, running up with Danse in tow.  
Mac wrestles Piper off of Delicia while Danse just stands by, watching them with narrowed eyes. Delicia gets to her feet and brushes herself off, rubbing her side where she thinks Piper may have cracked a rib or two.  
"How dare you do that to us, Blue?!" Piper shouts, her face red and tear streaked.  
"I... I can't justify it, Pipes. I'm sorry." Delicia replies, taking a step towards Mac and Piper, "Really, really sorry. More than I can say."  
"Damn right you're fucking sorry! You left us all to join raiders! RAIDERS. All because things didn't exactly go your way." Piper barks out a laugh, "We've all lost something, Blue. All of us, but you don't see any of us running off like spoiled little brats."   
"I know, Pipes. I really fucked up. I'll make it up to you. All of you." Delicia glances at Danse for a moment before looking back to Piper.  
"You'd better, Blue. Because I am not impressed with you at all right now." Piper spats before elbowing Mac off of her, "Come on, Danse." She says as she strides off.  
Danse stares at Delicia for a moment, opening and closing his mouth. He sighs and shakes his head with a deep frown before following Piper.   
Delicia watches them go, chewing on her lip. She hates herself for doing this. She hates that she's disappointed all the people that helped her and became her new family in this new world. She can't let the hate and sadness get to her this time, though. She's got to channel it better this time.  
"I've got to find a way to make it up to all of you." Delicia whispers, rubbing at her eyes roughly.  
"Damn right you do, but first we should get you back home and cleaned up. You've been gone for a long time, bud."


	8. Feelings and Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delicia finally opens up to Piper, successfully making the neighborhood merc uncomfortable.

Delicia grunts as she moves the heavy planks of wood around. Piper wants to move out here with her little sister since this is where Danse is. That's all fine and dandy, except that Piper is having Delicia build her little shack on Spectacle Island. 

It's nice, now that all of the Mirelurks are gone. And it's secluded so there's a good chance raiders won't come poking about. Plus, the Castle is just across the way so there's plenty supplies nearby for them.

"So what's with Piper and Danse? I thought she wasn't much of a fan of the Brotherhood?" Delicia asks MacCready, who is sitting on his ass and sipping a beer while she does all the work. Piper's orders.

"Well, she's not, but when she found out what happened to him she felt pretty bad. He's had a really hard time coping with being exiled and all, so she's made sure to include him in things with the Minutemen." Mac replies.

"That's really sweet of her." Delicia remarks as she boosts the plank onto the roof. She's hoping this is the last bit of it as she climbs up onto the roof after it. 

"Yep. Good ol' Piper." Mac sighs, "You know she's only being so hard on you because you hurt her right? I mean, you know I'm not into all that mushy feelings bullshit, but she was devastated when she found out. Wouldn't leave Diamond City for the first week."

"Damn. I didn't-"

"Yeah, yeah. You didn't think any of us would care that much." Piper's voice interrupts Delicia.

Delicia looks down at Piper, blushing in embarrassment. She feels guilty again just by looking at Piper, one of her best friends in this horrid world. She wants to apologize to her for the millionth time, but Piper doesn't even give her chance to speak.

"You've got to be the dumbest person I know, Blue. How could we not miss the person who convinced a merc, a member of the railroad, and an exiled brotherhood member to play poker together without killing each other? The person who didn't sleep for weeks on end because she was so hell bent on not only taking out the Institute, but also on helping out every settlement she could find. You were someone everyone could believe in and you made the Minutement an organization we could believe in again and then you just... You just left us all without even a second thought." Piper spats.

"Piper, I'm sorry. I told you I'd never stop trying to make it up to you. Even after you forgive me." Delicia says, busying herself with nailing down the last plank so that she doesn't tear up again. Knowing how much she hurt everyone and how much she disappointed them has really taken its toll on her these past few weeks that she's been back.

"I know you're sorry. I just don't want to hear you say that you didn't think we'd care or miss you if you were gone. You are the one who brought us all together and not having you here just doesn't feel right. Whatever you were feeling or going through... You could've come to us." Piper sighs and takes a shaky breath, "I don't know what your life was like before the bombs dropped, but I at least thought we'd all earned your trust regardless of whatever happened in your past."

Delicia climbs down, standing in front of Piper. MacCready averts his eyes, feeling uncomfortable and almost out of place with two teary eyed women standing right in front of him. 

"I was embarrased and lost, Pipes. The only thing worth anything to me in that life was my baby and I thought for sure I'd find her. When I didn't I just lost it. Completely. My biggest regret is not coming to you about it." Delicia says, her voice shaking a little.

Piper gives her friend a tight lipped smile and holds her arms open. Delicia steps into her arms and embraces her tightly. She vows to herself that she will never abandon her family again, no matter what happens. She can't stand the thought of putting them through that again. She can't stand the thought of losing even more people she loves. It's just not an option anymore. And it shouldn't have been in the first place.

"Well, I hate to be the one to break this up, but Preston still needs us tto make a supply run to Nuka World." MacCready says, clearing his throat a little and still not looking at either of the women.

"Right. Sorry." Delicia chuckles and asteps back, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Piper smiles, looking at her friend. Delicia reaches up and dries Piper's eyes as well, thinking that she's finally won her over. She thinks that the shack was just payback. The real reason she got back into Piper's good graces is because she finally was truthful and genuine with her after everything. 

"You guys be safe. Hopefully the next time I see you I'll have this place furninshed with Nat living here as well." Piper says, leaning against the doorway of her new home.

"Love you, Pipes." Delicia waves as her and MacCready walk off. 

"That was way too sentimental. I thought I was going to hurl." MacCready mutters once they're out of earshot.

Delicia elbows the merc and rolls her eyes at him. He could be so melodramatic sometimes, especially when it comes to pretending he doesn't have any feelings.

"Oh you know you cried the most when I left." Delicia snickers.

"Cry? Me? God, it's like you don't even know me at all." He laughs.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say Mac." Del grins, climbing into one of the makeshift canoes Danse made for coming back and forth, "Let's just get this run done so I can figure out how to get back into Deacon and Cait's good graces again."


End file.
